By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
