whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
