just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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