SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
