whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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