so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
