Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
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Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess