haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.