Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery