I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
honey bunches of taint.
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it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.