OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger