i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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