so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
