peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
