whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
