Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
