i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.