I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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