oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast