I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.