Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
