It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
