good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
