you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
