The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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