Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
