So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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