My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My bed smells like the plague
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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