Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
