I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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