I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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