Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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