You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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