Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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