This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
