this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
