apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
