Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
