The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All the doctor said was why
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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