Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
