She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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