Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
