Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
