my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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