YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
