no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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