Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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