I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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