It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Buhtt sex?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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