I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He better not be in your backpack
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
