i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is the high leading the old right now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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