Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
