Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
