Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
