Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
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do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
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so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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