He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
