I forgot how hot balto sounded
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
