I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
kristin has been a bad kristin
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
