I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
