who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
