When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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