Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
