Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
