mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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