Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
