The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
