mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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